Make or Break
by Detecti7e
Summary: AU. Thanks to Iruka's experiment, Naruto is rooming with a butler robot and it's trying to get into his pants. Between his personal life and the love triangle he got himself into, he might just go crazy. SU/NU
1. Out of the Frying Pan

Friday, January 4 2007 - Oh my god! Another story dishes out by me... with only half the effort!

Disclaimer - God. I'm tired of writing this. I mean, who would actually have the guts to say that they own something if their only gonna track you down later on. Okay. Message to the fanfictioners! Look for the disclaimer on my profile, okay? Then I won't go out of my way to actually remember.

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My life has been one turn after another. It's so twisted; I bet god is getting off on it right now. I was abandoned as a kid, lived in a freakin' orphanage, got too old for it and got tossed into a small-as-a-bathroom apartment, living there until a nice guy named Iruka came by and gave me a home and a job. Sometimes, I wonder if people realize that life is one big cycle. Everybody makes the each other feel some way or another and they end up feeling that way too after a while. It's like the whole world is made up of the same soul. There are no real personalities, since everybody is the same. Oh my god... this is almost as bad as people who dress the same to fit in the same group. 

Right now, I feel as if something is missing from my life. Some people don't know what, but I do. What I'm missing is...

My pride.

No, really! Iruka sensei sent me a butler; A computerized butler at that! It does everything; from opening a door to dressing me up in the morning without permission. And here is what pisses me off! He couldn't make it into a hot girl robot; he made it a stupid pretty boy with a stupid attitude and a stupid knack for stealing all the girls I bring home! Now some of my buds think I'm gay! Just 'cause Iruka sensei is into males, doesn't mean I do... right? Is being gay contagious? No, I didn't think so.

And another thing; I live in an apartment; not a mansion! Why the hell do I need a butler?! Why does the "butler" insist on rolling out the red carpet and literally strip me off to throw me into a bathtub of water and fluffy pink shit? Is the thing a perv or something?! He even goes as far as washing my back for me. Ugh.

I'm telling you that it's freaking me out. My life is bad enough without having an erotic robot fucking it up; like I said before, I had no parents, blah-dee-blah and the only fatherly figure I'd ever known is a gay man that enjoys screwing other gay men; not that I hate Iruka sensei or something. It's just that I'm not a homo.

Right now I'm in college. I don't know how or why; I just ended up here. I live in an average apartment (that needs no butler), and I have the average shitty neighbours; I'm convinced one of them is an ex-con. I pretty much live the same way everyday with none or minor disturbances; basically, I live by the book.

Until that is, when Iruka said something about whatever project he was working on. He said it was top secret and nobody knows about it yet so I should keep it secret. I didn't really give a shit about what he said, until he introduced me to a living, breathing dude named Uchiha Sasuke and left me with him. I thought he was one of those perfect emos from school that ever girl has at least fawned over once (gonna be my roommate I guess, it's Iruka who pays the bills anyway), until he kissed me. Not the stupid cute peck on the cheek either; it was a wet hot blast on the lips. Not the normal kind of way and... I don't have a way of describing it. I was totally shocked and freakin' mad. I had never had my first kiss and I would never, NEVER, give it to a guy. Especially a stupid piece of machinery that acts, eats, and... kisses like a real human being. And like I said before: I'm NOT gay!

Not like Iruka cares. I'm totally convinced that he wants to drag me into his realm of hot homo sex.

... Not that I'm insulting it. Anyway, back on topic here.

"Hey, Naruto!" cried Sakura, my one and only love- "Where's Sasuke-kun?" -that has been seduced by the pale-ass prince charming.

"Probably sleeping in my bathroom or something." I answered back carelessly.

Sakura's eyes widened and I had just realized how carelessly I had said it.

"What's Sasuke doing in your bathroom?" my pink haired beauty demanded accusingly. Probably thinks I either killed him or screwed him last night. Wish I did that... I mean kill him.

Oh yea. I just remembered; none of the girls and most of the guys in my school has ever been to my "house". Only my best buds, which was not a good thing anyway. Like I said before; they think I'm gay. And now I'm sure Sakura will think the same, spreading the rumour. One question I have to ask Iruka is: Why the hell does Sasuke have to go to school with me? I decided to come up with an excuse; quick.

"Uh... Sasuke's my roommate." Okay, just ease her into the tale now. "My uh... adopted father Iruka-sensei decided it was best to have someone accompany me to um... school, so he gave Uchiha a key to my... apartment and now he lives with me. And stuff."

Sakura eased up considerably and asked. "Okay then. Can I come by later?"

Okay... now we're in the ultimate danger zone.

"Oh! Um... No, I'm sorry, but Sasuke doesn't like visitors, and Iruka-"

"Hey Naruto you idiot! Don't hog up the girl." Kiba had appeared beside me and is now talking to Sakura. Feh, more like flirting. And then the others came. Shino, Gaara, Lee, Shikamaru, Shika's girlfriend Ino, Shika's stalker Neji and... I could go on forever.

By the time everybody got here, Sakura had disappeared in a huff and Sasuke was rounding the corner, headed for me.

"Hey Sasuke-kun!" smiled Ino in a weird fangirl greeting. Shikamaru turned away and sighed, "How troublesome."

The bastard just ignored her and walked on, dragging my arm with him. What the fuck is up with that? If he wanted to talk, all he could have done was say it! I was still severely pissed off at him.

In a dark secluded place under a big ass tree, he pulled me up against it and stuck his arms out, trapping me.

"What are you doing, you bastard?" I yelled at him through my prison.

He just ignored the question and instead, said in a stupid like-hell jealous voice, "Do you like Sakura?"

Okay, easy. "Yea, what's it to you?"

Oops, wrong answer.

He just pushed me up against the tree harder and said, "Why do you like her? It's not as if she would like you."

"What? You saying I can't get the girl? You underestimatin' me!"

Oops. Damn you stupid mouth!

He cupped my chin and look me in the eye. "What if I don't want you to get the girl?"

"I don't care you emo bastard! Go away!" I pushed his face away and ran, looking back to see he was lying on the ground on his back and staring at me like he was gonna kill me. I really hate myself. Now what do I do when I get home? Lock myself in the closet? Well, that's the only place Sasuke doesn't ever go. But seriously; if he wanted to destroy me, it's the easiest place to hide the body.

Holy shit; I'm already thinking about my death.

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Actually... If it was me, I wouldn't bother reviewing this. Meh... I won't update for a while, since I got another NaruSasu fic going on. The most difficult thing about writing fanfiction is that you're using someone else's characters and you have to work extra hard in keeping them in character or no one would read it. Blah... Well, that's training in becoming an author. Mwahaha. Aw man... I have so many stories to update... :(

The Ever So Sarcastic MeowMeow66 X3


	2. And Into the Fire

I've been harboring this chapter in my files for a long time. I thought I outta update, so yea.

Disclaimer: I don't own.

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Okay… so I'm running back to school, right? Yea, anyway; I pushed the black-haired tight-ass down and ran like a wild caveman. I was so scared for my life, I coulda shitted myself.

Now I'm in my last class of the day and freakin' out; I can't even pretend to pay attention to Jiraiya and his sex ed; 'cause you know, that's the most interesting class in this place (Pssst! Don't tell Iruka!).

Man… am I lucky that the Uchiha bastard doesn't have any classes with me other than gym, and even then, he can't kill me on the account of the many people that will be there.

A gooey frog hit me in the face, "Naruto Uzumaki! Pay attention!"

I swear, Jiraiya must be a freakin' nut. He has this giant frog habitat stuck to his freaking back all the time and even while he's teaching, he never takes it off. I hear they were gonna cut a deal with him to make those frogs into the nest biology project. You know, like dissection. He refused though. I always wondered this: where the hell does he get all the frogs? They seem to multiply all the time.

"If you insert this in there…" Jiraiya continued. I shivered. His lessons were getting more and more descriptive.

"Pssst! Hey Naruto!" a feminine voice whispered.

I look away from Jiraiya pointing at an elaborate chart of some girls' private parts and turned to look behind me, two seats back. Whoopee! It was Sakura; number one hottest babe on my list. Her pink hair was framing her face perfectly, but seriously, she could work on the makeup. Her lips were moving, but I couldn't hear them.

"… ruto! Naruto, pay attention!" I felt the slime of the frog that was thrown against the back of my head. "If you don't stop getting distracted, I'm gonna use this wooden penis to anal you, got it?!"

Oh, did I tell you about the schools wooden penises? It's the school way of showing you how to put a condom on. I swear, it must be the most complete waste of wood ever. There are two in this school. One of them is too big to put a condom on, so it was ditched in a storeroom closet until someone jacked it and put it in the principals' drawer as a practical joke. The other one is too small to put a condom on, but it's longer than the bigger one. Does that even make sense?! You're better off with the big dick, I mean, come on, it's not that the size counts, it's that it has to proportionally correct. Otherwise, you'd assume everyone has a dick shaped like a broom handle and people will start making condoms of the sort. Bleh.

"Yes sir." I mumble. I'm not caring whatsoever right now; I'm deciding whether I should go home after school or just run away while I still got a chance. What was Sakura trying to say anyway?

Okay, so after Jiraiya turned his back again to point at a woman's nipples, I look back to Sakura and whispered, "What were you trying to say?"

And then I noticed the two people separating Sakura and me. They were trying to touch each other. I twitched. They were totally distracting; they were also both guys. What the hell is up with the world? Was it because they were rooming together or something? I swear; anyone of the same gender, who sleeps in the school dorms, because they live far away, must be lovers. They can shower together, eat together, sleep together and fuck each other.

I shook my head to clear away my thoughts. They were becoming more disturbing lately.

"Naruto!" Sakura whispered to me. Oh yea. I forgot that she was still talking.

"Yea? Sorry, I wasn't paying attention." I replied. My head was starting to hurt. Maybe it was the frogs; I always knew they had diseases.

"Since you and Sasuke-kun are roommates, I thought maybe you could do me a favor." She blushed lightly. It was very becoming of her, but I seriously think that she could have done without the makeup and stuff.

"Yea, what?" I said nonchalantly. I was bored out of my skin and my thoughts were just disturbing; also, being pessimistic about my own death wasn't helping.

"Um… well I thought… maybe you could… I… um…" she stuttered.

My eyes widened. Could this be it? Was she asking me out? Oooh! Hell yes! My heart quickened and I waited for the question.

"Well… I thought maybe you could… um…"

"Uzumaki! You're seriously asking for it!" Jiraiya shouted from the front of the class. "You either pay attention or-"

RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING

Is it just me or is the bell longer today?

"Class dismissed. And Uzumaki, this is your last warning."

Okay… so, anyway, I looked all around the hallway for Sakura, so she could ask me the magical question. I spotted her near Ino Yamanaka; Shikamaru's chick. Anticipation made me hurry it up a little.

"Sakura-chan!" I greeted her. "What did you want to ask me?"

"Oh." She was blushing again. "Um… I was wondering if you could…"

"Yea?" I leaned closer.

"I was wondering if you could… um… well… um…"

Get on with it woman! My mind screamed at her.

"I was wondering if you could… set me up with Sasuke-kun!" she finished, her face red like Ino's cardigan.

Ino pouted. "Oh poo! That's what you wanted to ask him? Heh, good luck with that."

She smirked at me. For some reason, I just got goosebumps.

"… um… Naruto?" Sakura looked at me. "Would you do it?"

Okay… so I don't know how to answer that. Oh no. She was giving me teary eyes. God damn it!

"Alright, but I don't think Sasuke-bastard is interested."

Ino rolled her eyes and Sakura looked excited. "Really? You would?"

"I said I would do it, right?" I grinned at her, giving her the impression that I was as loyal as a pup. Okay… maybe I am, but I'm not that noble.

"Oh thank you so much! Naruto, you're the best!" She and Ino walked away, her with a bouncy step.

It took me a moment to realize, but oh my god! What have I done?! Okay, just to outline this to you;

One: Sasuke isn't interested in women; he was designed to "love" me.

Two: Sakura loves Sasuke, who in return, will never love her unless he is programmed to do so.

Three: God damn it! I love Sakura-chan and all she's interested in is Sasuke-bastard! And now I have to set them up. Why?!

"WHY?!" I screamed at the half empty hallway. People gave me weird stares.

"What ya lookin' at?!" they turned away quickly. Good; stupid bastards.

I'm all depressed and stuff. It started to pour droplets a minute ago; I was feeling the brunt of it by walking into a guy hosing the school lawn. I swear, today can't get any worse.

Oh shit. The magic words. It's gonna get worse, ain't it?

As to prove a point, God sent a pair of arms down to wrap around me from behind.

Come on, man! Give a guy a break!

"Naruto." A sultry voice spoke into my ear. "Did you think you could walk away with that stunt you pulled this morning?"

My heart skipped a beat. Man… it could've been a heart attack.

"Did you think that you could push me away and run forever?"

Yea, I kinda did.

"I want you, Naruto. I want you so bad."

I am freaking blushing now. God damn it. See if I ever offer you ramen ever again! Stupid God. I'm so freaking pissed right now, I feel as though I can murder without a conscience.

A hand rubbed my thigh. Oh shit.

"Get away from me, bastard! I don't need this shit, alright?! Go away! And keep your ugly hands to yourself!!"

I elbowed him in the ribs and turned around to punch him in the face, stepping a meter away from him as I did so.

"Hey, Uzumaki!" called a female voice.

I froze, thinking it was Sakura. I turned around again and stared at the person who owned the voice. Ino Yamanaka.

"I always knew there was something going on between you two." She winked smirkily. "I say you got yourself stuck in a love triangle."

I gaped in shock. This was not good.

Ino raised a brow. "Wasup?"

She said it so carelessly that I was beginning to feel as though I was at a picnic. Her legs strutted over here and her hands were attached to her hips. She leaned towards my ear and whispered,

"You look like you're in for a good fucking."

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X6 - Reviews keep the author alive. I feel almost no motivation for this story... lately, I've been watching pretty boys prancing around in J- C- Dramas. Sooo HAWT. (drool) I think I'd be drawing manga instead. (yawn) I love Asian music.


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